he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
