I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
