So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
