Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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