So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
