maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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