Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
