if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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