he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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