If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
