I hate your face
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
