We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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