That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
