so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
