I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
