I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
