hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
