dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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