Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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