i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
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NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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