we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
