im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
