I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The air was thick with penises
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
