I want to have your abortion
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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