just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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