all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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