You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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