She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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