I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
