i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
