Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
