I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
