Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
