Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
