judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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