and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
