Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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