i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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