So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
