Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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