Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
