he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
