My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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