I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
