he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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