I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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