Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
