I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
