i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
