There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
