I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
