What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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