I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
