U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead