Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.