I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching