I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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