Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
