Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Soap is not a condiment
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
