I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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